Tune: Diamonds are a girl's best friend. (Actually I have to apologise because the lyrics don't fit in with the whole tune since I got two tunes mixed up in my head. Sorry about that. I just can't be motivated to change it at the moment so by all means sing along with the first half of each verse and make up the music for the second half like I inadvertantly did!)
A date with a girl can be quite sentimental
But a penis is a boy’s best friend
When it comes down to things that are quite fundamental
In my mind there is no doubt
I get my willy out
I love to caress him and he’ll never complain
He’s a friend for all weathers, be it sunshine or rain
And he’s fun to take with you for a holiday in Spain
Yes a penis is a boy’s best friend
It’s tough on the girls who were born with them missing
And they have to borrow ours instead
The poor little things have to sit down when they’re pissing
But we boys don’t have to care
We wave them in the air
When spanking girls’ bottoms our trousers go tight
If you haven’t got a girl to spank then watching films is alright
Your faithful old chum will keep you company at night
Yes a penis is a boy’s best friend.
(instrumental break)
What fun is to see when a girl gets a caning
And to see her little bum turn red
I reach for my dick because it’s so entertaining
When I see those stripes appear
I come over all queer
I can’t begin to tell you what thoughts they invoke
But I guess somehow my feelings are the same as any other bloke
So I pull out my willy and I give him a stroke
Yes a penis is a boy’s best friend.
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